Discordian Sins

Well, Discordianism has five Commandments, the Pentabarf of St. Zarathud. They are found in Principia Discordia along with some commentary, but here are the Commandments themselves:

I - There is no Goddess but Goddess and She is Your Goddess. There is no Erisian Movement but The Erisian Movement and it is The Erisian Movement. And every Golden Apple Corps is the beloved home of a Golden Worm.

II - A Discordian Shall Always use the Official Discordian Document Numbering System.

III - A Discordian is Required during his early Illumination to Go Off Alone & Partake Joyously of a Hot Dog on a Friday; this Devotive Ceremony to Remonstrate against the popular Paganisms of the Day: of Catholic Christendom (no meat on Friday), of Judaism (no meat of Pork), of Hindic Peoples (no meat of Beef), of Buddhists (no meat of animal), and of Discordians (no Hot Dog Buns).

IV - A Discordian shall Partake of No Hot Dog Buns, for Such was the Solace of Our Goddess when She was Confronted with The Original Snub.

V - A Discordian is Prohibited of Believing What he Reads.

Obviously, breaking the Commandments is sort of a sin and, as an offense against Goddess, must be atoned for. However, as Goddess has way better things to do than worry about a bunch of nitpicky rules, you can more or less do this on your own time. (Discordianism, as if it hadn't enough distinction, is also unique among religions in that breaking the actual Commandments set forth in the Holy Book is a minor sin.)

But Wait...

While that more or less sums up the "official" sins, Discordians strongly agree that there are some Major No-No's which Goddess disapproves of, and even if She doesn't, we do, kapisch?

The St. Marc the Perpetually Amused sect of Discordianism is a fairly Orthodox group as Discordian sects go *pause for laughter and perhaps an asprin* and our definition of sin can be neatly summed up as follows:

(You can hurt yourself if you want to and it doesn't hurt others unnecessarily - you're your property. We don't recommend it but we wouldn't dream of stopping you once we were sure you knew what you were doing.)

This sort of sin is a Major Sin and has to be forgiven, or you will be reincarnated as a human being when you die, and we're talking game show host here. Don't worship order to the point of forgetting to be human. Don't worship chaos to the point of causing other people unnecessary pain. (Remember that they are both the same and the Universe needs both of them.) Live. Love. Laugh. And most importantly, Learn. Learn especially that you need to live, to love, and to laugh, and that you need to bring other people along for the ride. (St. Marc admits freely that he has problems of his own on this one. He's working on it - and what you're reading is part of his penance.)

Chaos and Order can both be used for Creation and Destruction. If you do something Destructive, you've got to pay. Ideally, you'll pay by admitting to yourself (this is the hard part) that you did it, apologizing to the person(s) you've harmed, and making Creative amends. Notice that this bears almost no resemblance to what other religions call "penance" or "atonement." Goddess, as I said before, is busy, and unless it's Her you've wronged (in which case you probably won't be around long enough to atone) She doesn't want your apologies and She really doesn't want to hear you wailing about how unworthy you are. That's insulting. She made Everything, and you are part of Everything. Do you think telling Her She's a substandard Craftsgoddess is going to score you any points? Right.

Discordian Atonement can also be rather neatly summed up, as follows:

Discordian Atonement, aside from being slightly ungrammatical, is like Discordian Sin both extremely simple and ridiculously hard to pin down. While it goes without saying, which is why I'm going to say it, that Eris would be pleased if you were Creatively Chaotic, if the best approach is using Creative Order, then do that. Make up for it with some random Chaos later. If you're Enlightened enough to know you've done wrong, you're Enlightened enough to know what to do to fix it. If you need help getting started, keep in mind that the hardest thing to do is usually the correct thing.

If you need a little more help, or just a little nudge in the right direction, you can contact St. Marc. As a really truly ordained Minister of the Church of Universal Life, he has the authority not only to refer to himself in the third person, but to forgive sins. (And as a licensed attorney, an ordained minister, and a stubborn s.o.b., he'd rather be reborn as a game show host than spill your beans - and he can't be forced to do so. However, if you reveal to him that you are harming someone who can't defend themselves, you'll wish you'd just confessed to the cops.)

Keep in mind that St Marc is a stickler - he won't forgive the sin until you forgive yourself. And while he'll give it the old Discordian try, there's probably a flesh-and-blood person right near you who'd be just as glad to help - so look around, huh? With those caveats, go in peace, and sin no more than you can help. For further instructions, see the Golden Secret of Salvation and consult your pineal gland. (No restrictions apply.)

All Hail Discordia!

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